Car Doors
by Talespinner87
Summary: Car Doors...Star Wars...get it eh?...eh? well, atleast someone gets my jokes
1. a long time ago in a galxy far away

**CAR DOORS**

                                                In a galaxy far far away

                                                Blah Blah Blah Blah

                                                Blah Blah…etc

Author's Note: this is the same author and story as the one on Fanfiction.net, so don't report me. I'm not copying, cause they're both the same person

(out in space, a giant slice-of-pizza- shaped space ship is being chased by a tiny car-shaped space ship)

(on board the S.S. Pizza)

Dave Bonner: Princess, we cannot take much more Banter from that corvette, our ship will not hold!

Ginger: *Bark* *Woof*

Dave Bonner: I see, we will give up, but the plans will be safe in an R2 unit, excellent idea.

Ginger: *Woof*

(a gunshot is heard and Dave Bonner hits the floor)

R2D2: *Beep Boop Beedoop* (ha ha die)

Ginger: *Arf Arf* Obiwan Kenobi *woof bark woof bark bark*

R2D2: *Beeb boop* (I'm not your message boy, I'm a robot thank you very much and furthermore-)

C3PO: What?!? Let our powers combine?!?! What the heck does that mean??!

(Ginger closes the escape hatch and sends the droids into space towards the closest planet)

R2D2: *BEEP* (How dare you shoot me out of our ship you *beeeep* (stupid idiot

(The escape pod lands on the desert planet known as tatoo. the bots crawl out.)

R2D2: *beep boop bebop* (Man, what died on this ship? *looks over to see dead corpse in pod* *beep* (oh)

C3PO: Yes I realize you like his shoes, but you don't even have feet!! Get over it already

R2D2: *wild frantic beeps* (oh my Gosh, aren't you horrified by this corpse?)

C3PO: Yes those are pretty flies, but we need to find Luke Skywalker

R2D2: *beep* (sigh, you never even listen to me) *cries softly*

C3PO: You talk too much. it's all *beep* this and *boop* that SHUT UP *smacks R2D2*

R2D2: *beeeeeeeeeeep*(you *cesored*)

C3PO: I accept your apology then

R2D2: *beep* (I'll mount your head on a pike)

C3PO: Aw, such loving words… give me a hug *hugs R2*

*R2D2 zaps C3PO with his little zappy electric thing*

C3PO: Awe, your so adorable, like a puppy

R2D2: *beeeeeep* (I can't take this anymore!!!)

*R2D2 explodes*

(Jawas, formerly known as Prince appear, pick up the scraps, and shock C3PO several times before finding the on/off switch cleverly located in the rear)

(After a time, R2 is back on his feet and enjoying the silence when suddenly the trash truck they were riding in comes to a stop and all the robots including C3PO are forced out onto the sand. thankfully, C3Po is still shut off)

Jawa: (loosely translated) Where's my coffee Clarence?

Jawa Clarence: (loosely translated) in the cab of the truck

Jawa: (loosely translated) Aw, dang, cay you handle the customers while I go to Starbucks and get a refill?

Clarence: (loosely translated)Ok but bring me back a latte

(Patrick McGrath (Luke Skywalker) and his uncle walk up to the outpost looking for farm-bots to help on their Tart-N'-Tiny farm)

Patrick: Why do I have to come?

Uncle: Because you didn't finish your Tart-N'-Tiny last night

Patrick: Awww c'mon lighten up a little

Uncle (speaking to Jawa): How much for that R2 unit?

Clarence: (loosely translated) more than you're worth

Uncle: 5 bucks! what a deal! I'll take it!

Clarence: (loosely translated) Well, we did find it so it won't cost us anything, alright, I'll take it

Uncle: You drive a hard bargain. ok fine, 15 dollars and that's my last offer

Clarence: Don't you think that's a bit much?

Uncle: Great, here you go, and I'll take that translator droid off you hands too.

(Back at the Tart-N'-Tiny farm owned by Patrick's uncle, we find Patrick taking off the magnetic bolts that control their movements and sometimes screw them up)

Patrick: Stupid bolt, why won't you come off

R2: You're a nerd

Patrick: Maybe I should use my hands instead of my teeth (Rips the magnet off)

R2: You're a dweeb

Patrick: That's better (takes magnet off C3PO and turns him back on) there you go

C3PO: … and furthermore, you rude little former prince things, and-wait a minute, did you suddenly get taller? He, it's R2D2… did you put on weight?

Patrick: Ha ha, you idiot bots are so funny

R2: *beep* (*censored* no)

C3PO: Why I would love some mango juice… mmm… mango juice (starts drooling)

R2: *Shocks C3PO 18 times*

C3PO: Now that wasn't very nice you *polysyllabic profanity* robot

*hits R2*

(Princess Ginger's 3-D puzzle image pops out of the top of R2 and the recording *Bark Woof obiwan Kenobi* is repeated)

Patrick: (wakes up) ooh, she's pretty (drools)

R2: *muffled beep* (mphfrmmrphrmf)

Patrick: (Takes the puzzle and eats it) got any toast in there?

C3PO: Are you hungry or something? you seem to have plenty of Tart-N'-Tiny's around.

Patrick: I only get one a night. I got some bread stashed away and really want some toast.

C3PO: Yes, you just put the bread in here *points to the hole that the electrocute thing comes out of* 

*R2 shocks him* *and again* *and again*

R2: *Beep* *Beep* (that'll show you)

C3PO: Yes, that's what I said, you put the bread in here *Points to another random hole next to the little eye thing*

R2: *Beep**Boop* Why don't you understand me? (crying softly)

(Patrick suddenly falls over dead and the bots flee the scene.)


	2. OB1's at last

(They find shelter at nearby Obiwan Kenobi's Steak House. C3PO is outside talking to a band of teletubby sand people as they beat his plated body)

C3PO: You know I don't know, or frankly care, what the heck you're saying

R2: *fighting off the sand people* *beep boop* (why do I even care?) *self destructs taking out the sand people and all but C3PO's head*

C3PO's head: *sees a sign for Obiwan Kenobi's steak house: buy one 16 oz. steak, get a free mango juice* mmm… mango juice (Starts drooling)

*R2's tazer conveniently lands next to C3PO's head* *from a distance a loud zapping is heard*

(The Reincarnation Sat suddenly blast at tatoo. the dead are reaised and R2 gets put together. Unfortunately, C3PO is reconstructed due to R2's bad Karma)

R2: *bep* (Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo) *passes out*

(C3PO picks up R2 and brings him into the steak house)

C3PO: Yeah, I would like a 16 oz. steak…and don't forget my FREE mango juice

OB1: (yells) hey, aren't you the droids sent from the S.S. Pizza on a mission of great importance?

R2: *beep* (yeah, something like that)

C3PO: You fool! I told you not to tell anyone about killing that looser Skywalker

OB1: (yelling) why on Tatoo would you kill uncle Skywalker?

C3PO: *order arrives* Mmm… mango juice *starts drooling*

R2: *zap*

C3PO: Oh yeah, sorry, got a little distracted there. I really love mango juice…mmm…mango juice *starts drooling*

R2: *zap*

C3PO: Sorry, but I really love-

R2: *zap*

C3PO: Sorry-

R2: *zap*

C3PO: WOULD YOU STOP!!

R2: … *zap*

C3PO: Anyway, we never killed the good kind uncle… just the starving idiot kid.

OB1: (Still yelling) Well that's good! (To Han Solo (Tspinner (now refered to as T))) Hey, T-man, guess who killed that bratty kid we hate!

T: Who Boss?

OB1: These crazy talking droids

(Tspinner sits down beside C3PO and R2 and his Wookie friend lays down under the table)

T: Hey. The name's Tspinner, but you can call me whatever you want and by the way, thanks for killing Skywalker

C3PO: Fine, I think I'll call you Jeskforenheimervladedward IV. I made it up myself

R2: *zap*

C3PO: Fine, I'll call you Ed for short

R2: *Boop* (how bout Mr.Sleepypants?)

C3PO: Fine, we'll just call you "T"

T: That's Mr. T to you! you guys wanna see my millennium edition falcon that my pet Wookie built?

Wookie: Rahrrr

T: Fine, that John built

C3PO: I'm not sure that's such a good idea

R2: *beop* (for once, I agree with you)

C3PO: Then it's settled, we'll go

R2: *beep* (maybe I should just stop talking)

(The four of them walk into the garage next door and find Patrick playing in the cockpit)


	3. the milenium falcon

T: Hey! I thought you were dead

Patrick (hereby referred to as P): Not yet, I only fainted

T: Get 'im John

John (hereby referred to a J): Roar

T: Well kill him first then use the oven

J: Rahhr

T: No, you can't use my George Forman Grill ©

J: (Tears apart Patrick) Rahrr *cough cough* rr

(Suddenly a strange beam hits Patrick's remains and he turns into a box of Tart-N'-Tiny's)

C3PO (hereby referred to as C3): Aw, I forgot my mango juice inside…mmm…mano-

R2: *zap*

T: What is it with you and mango juice?

C3: I just really love-

R2: *zap*

T: Love what?

C3: Ma-

R2: *zap*

C3: M-

R2: *zap*

C3: …

R2: *zap*

(Tspinner sits down sipping a mango juice)

C3: Hey, how'd you get that ma-

R2: *zap*

T: Get what?

C3: You know, I really don't care that much

R2: …(pause)…*zap*

T: anyone want some mang-

R2: *zap*

T: Ouch, how about orang-

R2: *zap*

T: That's it!! *takes out a blaster and blasts R2*

(As R2's head is fizzling, C3PO backs up and accidentally presses a button and the falcon blasts into space)

T: Well, great, who knows how to fly this thing?

C3: You mean you don't?

T: I just use it as a fridge for my mango juice

T&C3: (in unison) mmm… mango juice *start drooling*

J: (Takes the controls) Grrr ruff, oops I mean Roarrrr

(OB1 appears and puts R2 back together for no apparent reason, gives them a coupon book for OB1's steak house and disappears)

T: Well, that was weird

J: Roarr

T: What? incoming bow-tie fighters! Patrick, go play in the meat grinder, C3PO, help John and get into ADD space. R2 help me fight them off with our laser potato cannons)

C3: *not paying attention. looking througj the coupon book* yeah, yeah, sure, sure whatever…dude, what a gyp, there's no coupon for mango juice

R2: *as zaps seem to have no affect, R2's head unscrews and a mace appears. R2 beats C3PO into a crumpled heap)

T: Let's go people

J: Rahrr

P: wee *ouch* wee

R2: *beep* (ha, ha die freak of nature… that's not natural) *continues to beat C3 with the mace*

C3: *Voice stuck on that last 2 words he said* Mango juice…zzz…Mango juice…zzz…Mango juice…etc.

(Bow-tie fighters shoot the ship and begin to conform the ship to it's legalistic views. Tspinner grabs a potato launcher and shoots several down!)

T: (Evil laugh) Ha ha ahahahahahaha!

R2: *Beep* (Yay, more killing) *mans a potato gun* *boop* (die, die DIE etc.) *Beop* (hahahahahahahaha (and outher evil laughs))

(John hits ADD space and everyone starts going nuts so heslows down and finds himself flying towards a truck shaped ship)

T: Hey, a truck stop!! Maybe they have a food mart and we can get some man-

R2: *zap*

C3: G-

R2: *Bash*

T: o

R2: *zap*

C3: Jui-

R2: *Bash*

T: ce

R2: (gives up)

C3&T: (in unison) mmm… mango juice *Start drooling*

R2: (to John) *Boep* (Is he always like this?)

J: Roarr

T: He says, "Yeah basically"

P:(Mangled) that was fun by my arm jammed the machine

T: Hey, Patrick when we stop can you get us some mango juice and pretzels?

P: Okie-dokie

T: (To himself) Hopefully it's and enemy ship and he'll get killed or captured)

(Patrick leaves)

T: Woo hoo he's gone

(Patrick comes back)

T: Dangit

P: Hey, you didn't give me any money

OB1:(From out of nowhere) *picks up R2 and starts beating Patrick with him* Why *Bash* Won't *Smash* You *Bam* Die *Crunch*

T: Oh yeah, here's some cash here's some cash *hands him a five*

P: Yaay! (runs out to get the snacks) oh, no! it's run by Russian furbys. Everything's for furbys! Furby candy, furby t-shirts, furby soda, even furby superman comics! Aughhh! (Russian furbys jump him and tear him to shreads)

T: Well, I'm happy he's gone, but now we're out of mango juice

R2: *za-* oh forget it

J: Rahrr

T: You right John… we need to get out of here. Let's go!

(due to a tractor trailer, they can't leave)

T: D'oh!

J: Rahrr Roahrr

T: Hmm yes maybe if we rescue princess Ginger this tractor trailer will have gotten it's fuel by then and left

R2: *Boop* (That's the stupidest thin I've ever hear you say!)  
C3: Yes, it may be stupid, but it seems to work in the movies

R2: *surprised beep* (Wait, you actually understood me?)

C3: Now you're the one bringing up mango juice…mmm…mango guice *Starts drooling*

T: but we'll need someone to distract the furbys (raises and eyebrow at C3P0)

C3: As long as they have mango juice, it's cool with me

T: Yeah, they have mango juice… FURBY MANGO JUICE mwahahahahahaha (continue evil lauugh)

C3: Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo (Passes out)

(John tosses C3PO's lifeless body outside. the furbys immediately swarm over it letting the other slip by)

T: Now where would they keep a dog (looks at a map)

J: Roarr

T: I got one at the gift shop! Duh!

J: Rahrr

R: No, I doubt they would keep her in the kennels. She's more likely in the lower security business offices sipping furby mango juice

C3: *wakes up* not furby mango juice! nooooooooooooooooo (passes out again)

J: Rahrr

T: Fine, we'll check the kennels first! Sheesh your so cranky without coffe

R2: *Beop* (I'm more of a mango juice kind of droid myself) *Beep*(everyone always takes my juice from me) *cries softly*

(The three of them walk, then skip, then hop down to the kennels where they find princess ginger locked up with only water and denta-bones)

T: Poor girl, we'll get you out of there

C3: *suddenly appearing behind them* What harsh conditions for such a good dog

All: AAAAAAHHHHHHH!

T: Where the heck did you come from?

C3: That way *points into the cell*

T: what are you talking about

C3: I really don't know, I just wanted to sound like I knew what was happening

(Tspinner opens the cage which sets off an alarm which opens the floor sending everyone except C3PO and R2 into the waste disposal unit)

T: Eeww Oh-no, I think I broke John

J: (Underneath) Roarrh

OB1: Well, that was fun

T&J: Aughh!

OB1: What?

T: Where did you come from

G: Grrr woof *Jums up and licks OB1's face*

OB1: Oh, I just thought I'd drop by and give you guys some flyers *disappears in a cloud of flyers*

T: Weird… hey R2 and C3PO, how about getting us out of here

*R2 and C3PO walk over to the door leading into the waste disposal unit*

*They see Patrick in front of the door dancing*

C3: What the heck are you doing?

P: I'm helping

C3: How's that

P: Well, it says "twist to open"

C3: Well, in that case *C3PO and Patrick start doing the twist in front of the door*

R2: *beep* (Stupid loosers)

(On the other side of the sound-proof door, a loud zapping is hear)

(When R2 finally gets the door open, Tspinner and John are found playing Poker)

T: You took long enough!

P: Hey Tspinner

T: How the heck are you still alive

P: (shrugs) I dunno


	4. intermission

**_***INTERMISSION***_**

(The authors got bored and decided to give you a break from the mango juice jokes and the killing of our friend Patrick)

Rocks (aka C3PO, hereby referred to as R): mmm…mango juice…D'oh

T: I think we need some ideas from our reviewers

R: As long as there's no more mango juice side-tracks

T: Yeah… um ok, how about kiwi juice

Waves (aka R2D2 hereby referred to as W): Yay, my name is in the story

R: He, he, now I get to do this…*pulls out a tazer* *zap*

W: Ouch, that really hurt

R: Tell me about it

T: *Sips a kiwi juice* man this is good *Shoves a piece of bread into Waves' mouth* Make some toast for me

W: Mfrwfr *Glares at Tspinner* *eats bread* Ha, toast that!

T: *Takes tazer* *zap* did that work

W: *on the floor twitching*

R: Maybe we should stop shocking him

T: Oh, c'mon he zapped us tons of times. Plus its something to do during intermission

R: That's true *Starts zapping Waves' lifeless body* you know, this is pretty fun

T: Told you. anyway, I've got to walk Ginger I'll be right back *grabs leash* (calling back) don't have too much fun without me

R: Okay *zap* wee! *zap*

W: *Twitch, twitch*

T: (comes back with Ginger) man I'm glad we get to waste precious class periods writing this… I mean, I'm back

W: x_x *twitch*

T: okay, I think we'll end Intermission and wait for reviewers so we can add the dumb ones into the story.

R: Yay… reviews!!

T: *zaps Rocks* get twitching *zaps himself , falls on the floor and twitches*

R: Yay…twitching *falls to the floor twitching*

**_***END OF INTERMISSION***_**


	5. at long last, it's finally over

(all of them sneak past the sleeping Russian furbys and climb back into the ship, however as Patrick looks out the window, he sees OB1 arguing with a man in all black)

OB1: I told you, sir, these coupons have expired

Darth Vader (a.k.a. John Lester, hereby referred to as JL): But I must have my steak

OB1: Listen, I'm sorry I need to see some cash

JL: Grrrr (John Lester pulls out a large glowing bread stick) Fine, but I'm taking the bread

OB1: Oh, no you're not (Grabs a glowing bread stick)

(as the two begin to fight, Patrick screams out)

P: Noooooo! You'll spoil the bread *sobs*

(OB1 seeing his stress tries to run, but John Lester's bread stick catches the edge of his cloak leaving him in his Captain Planet Boxers)

OB1: *Blushing* Why you little creep *chases John Lester*

JL: *running* Ha, Ha try to catch me old man

T: This is too weird let's get out of here John

J: Groar

P: All I wanted was some toast *still sobbing*

T: Good, now's our chance to leave that brat behind…everyone, hurry to the ship

*all but Patrick (who is still on his knees crying) run into the falcon*

P: *still crying* I'm cold and there's furby's after me

(Patrick walks around and somehow finds a kitchen)

P: Oooh a toaster *puts bread in and presses down the lever*

(Patrick sees a shiny red button marked "Danger, do not press this **EVER**"

P: Oooh, shiny like mango juice *Presses button*

(In an amazing fireworks display (also including cheap Hollywood FX) the re-incarnation star blows up and cheers are heard from the falcon's window)

T: Any of you guys wanna go somewhere cold with a lot of snow and strange creatures?

C3: Meh… as long as there's no more furby mango juice *Shudders*

*Faint scream gradually getting louder is heard* aaaaaaaaaaaaAAAHHH *Splat*

*Patrick's smoldering corpse hits the falcon's windshield*

All: AAAHHH

P: What?

All: AAAHHH

P: What are you screaming abou- *turns around* oh

*a large fleet of bow-tie fighters swarm towards them*

T: Hmm, how is Patrick alive?

(Bow-tie fighter fires a blast, which hits Patrick)

P: Wow, I feel more energized

T: Darn…okay, let's blow those things up R2 *Jumps into Potato gun station* Ha, Ha, Ha, die evil scum

C3: You'd think we'd be more surprised that he's still alive

R2: *boop* (meh) *Pushes C3PO out with Patrick*

*Both continually get blasted by bow-tie fighters*

Patrick: Bonjoure…You know, I think that's French or something

C3: FRENCH?!?!?!?!?! *grabs R2 and starts beating Patrick with him*

T: C3PO we need R2 to blow up things and we need you to translate his little beeps so get back in here

C3: Yay, translate

*R2 speeds into the cabin closing the door behind him locking C3PO and Patrick out*

T: R2! Let C3PO back in

*R2 opens the hatch to see C3PO and Patrick floating off into space

R2: *beop* (oops)

T: Aw, now we gotta go back and get them… John, get us back there

J: Roarhr

T: Yes, we have to go and get C3PO. How else are we to know what R2's saying

*R2 rolls eye-thing in exasperation*

J: Roahrr *Shi turns around and flies toward C3PO's floating body*

T: R2, keep those bow-tie fighters off our backs while I get C3PO back in

R2: *Bep* (Yay, more killing) *Jumps into Potato gun station* *boop* (Ha, Ha, Ha, die evil scum) *beep* oh my gosh, I'm starting to sound like Han

C3: Ha, ha, that little bot loves to kill things

R2: *beoep* yeah, things like you

*John finally gets away from the Bow-tie fighters by hitting ADD space. Everyone goes nuts again, so he drops from ADD space and lands on a peculiar frozen planet*


End file.
